i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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