Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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