She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
