Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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