I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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