If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
