Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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