I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize