I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
