Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
