my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
