can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
