everyone is single if you try hard enough
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
