Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
