Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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