dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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