this beer tastes like vomit already
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
