I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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