Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
