If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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