i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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