My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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