I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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