I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
