3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
