no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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