Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
