Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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