why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize