I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this just has baby written all over it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
