Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
