I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
