no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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