if i died would you start the facebook group?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
