he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
