I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
