He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
