drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
