I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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