Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
