I'm so fucking centered right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
