Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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