You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize