I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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