He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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