thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize