Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
