found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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