ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize