I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
