what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
