She is in my trunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
