And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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