I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When are your genitals available?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
