You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
