i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize