Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This baby is an asshole
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
