No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
