Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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