Welp...herpes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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