Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
