I think I died a long time ago.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
