It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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