Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
