Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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