i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize