The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
