is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
