So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
