U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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