girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
