and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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