My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my poor anus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
