He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
